apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
