Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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