"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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