I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
