sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
