I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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