I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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