I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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