Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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