sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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