i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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