We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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