Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
