I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
