i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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