So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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