They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
