Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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