Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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