there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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