We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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