Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
