grandma shit on top of the toilet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
