i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
