oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
