tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im part way to drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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