...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
