wakey wakey hands off snakey
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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