oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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