just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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