I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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