it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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