Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
