oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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