Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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