What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
