I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
