Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
