I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize