When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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