**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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