I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
