I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is the high leading the old right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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