so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
