I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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