Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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