Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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