Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
