Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
