I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
