We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
