Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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