It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's the barista slut.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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