His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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