Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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