so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
