you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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