bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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